What Are We Really Chasing?

 

Today was a lot....

It was one of those days that leaves you with mixed emotions, the one where you don’t fully understand at first, but you just know something in you has shifted. I found myself thinking about gratitude in a quiet and honest way. The kind that comes when you suddenly realize that no matter what you’re going through, there are people facing situations much heavier than yours.

I witnessed an accident scene today. Thankfully, no one died, but it was enough to shake me. It reminded me of something I had almost forgotten….how scared I used to be of motorcycles. Growing up, my parents didn’t really allow it. We mostly used buses, and somehow that felt safer. But now, being in a different environment, things are not the same. Buses are not always easy to find, and if you’re in a hurry, waiting is not always an option. So I adjusted. I got used to motorcycles. Very used to them. But today’s scene made me pause. It reminded me that some things we get comfortable with are still risky, and that life can change very quickly without warning.

And somehow, my thoughts didn’t stop there. They went deeper.

I started thinking about life itself. About how short it is, and how unpredictable it can be. About how we make plans, set goals, and assume we have so much time, when in reality, we don’t really know how much time we have. And in the middle of all these thoughts, I found myself reflecting on something spiritual.

I’ve heard it many times before, but today it felt different….that the only real way to have peace in this life is to stay close to God. Because when you really think about it, everything else can shift. School can end. Success can come and go. Money can increase and disappear. Nothing is truly steady on its own.

I thought about Solomon and how he had everything people usually pray for…. wisdom, wealth, influence. Yet he still said everything was vanity, like chasing the wind. That thought stayed with me, because it made me realize that even having everything does not automatically give peace or meaning.

And then I turned the thought back to myself.

It made me ask questions I don’t always stop to ask. What am I really focusing on? What is quietly taking most of my time and energy? It’s so easy to get caught up in school, in trying to do well, trying to be the best, trying to meet expectations. And again, none of that is wrong. It’s good to be serious. It’s good to work hard. It's good to aim high.

But I keep wondering… at what cost?

Is it slowly taking the place of my spiritual life? Am I becoming more focused on achievements than on who I am becoming inside? Am I growing spiritually at the same pace I am growing academically?

I remembered something my dad told me before I came to school. He said he didn’t send me here to chase a first class or prizes. If it happens, fine. But what really mattered to him was that I keep growing spiritually and that people would be able to say good things about that part of my life. And today, that meant more to me than it did before.

Because at the end of everything, after all the stress and effort, I think what would matter most is knowing that I didn’t lose that part of myself. That I didn’t let everything else quietly replace it.

I also remembered a nurse I knew back in my first year. She was interning then. I recently heard that she passed away. And that thought stayed with me for a while. If she had known her time would be that short, what would she have focused on? Would it still be the same things, or would something have changed?

Life is short in a way we don’t always like to think about. And maybe that’s why moments like today feel like reminders. Not in a scary way, but in a grounding way. A reminder to slow down a little, to think deeper, to focus on what truly matters.

For me, I think that means trying to stay close to God, even in the middle of everything else. Not perfectly, but intentionally. Trying not to let school, stress, or the pressure to succeed quietly pull me away from that.

Because at the end of the day, everything else can change. But that… is something I don’t want to lose.

And maybe that’s what I’m holding on to right now.